Not know how to be lost
The man’s crisis going on worldwide is due the lack of knowledge on how to be lost. It is due to the lack of knowledge of the Wandering stage of life where a man can find himself in a place where he cannot control, he cannot fix, does not know what to say, and, yet feels comfortable. A moment where he would have to stay in a burning place for a while, holding the contradictions of the situation, and of himself. The lack of knowledge and recognition of this stage of life in our society are leading many healthy men to the destructive path of depression, panic anxiety, and suicide.
In order to let go the attracting and seductive voice of the ego, the set of questions are changed, despite the men’s will. Here are a few questions from the first half of life, that the ego helped to answer and normally he always does a good job:
“What is my duty?
What do my neighbors think of me?
Can I suffer without whimpering?
How can I become a success? “ ( Keen , 1991, p.131).
Now, check the second set of questions. These are considered questions from the Wandering Stage. Check the differences, and notice how deep they can take one IF one is courageous enough to give the time necessary to mature:
“ What do I fear?
Who has wounded my soul?
What is sacred?
Worthy of respect? Inviolable?
What is the source of my power?
My self-esteem? What are my gifts?
What is my vocation?
What myth have I been (unconsciously) living?
What have I sacrificed to win the approval of others? To become “successful?
In what ways have I blinded myself, disowned my power, denied my potential?” (Keen, 1991, p.131).
If you observe the second set of questions and apply when facing a moment of contradictions, being fully aware of the sensations of your body, of your feelings and emotions, these questions will guide you to your Authentic Self. The secret would be to become familiar with being secure enough with your own insecurities and learn from it. “Explorers need to know how to be lost comfortably. The adventure of the spirit begins when we stop pretending and performing and accept our confusion and insecurity” (Keen, 1991, p.133). Honouring and listening to the chaos of the Wandering stage, with patience, with silence, and with attentiveness are the initiation elements of the deeper journey.
The invitation into the Wandering Stage
The invitation of the psychological disorders mentioned above is that they can be perceived as a gate, as an initiation point in the Wandering stage of life. It is the point where the ego cannot answer deeper and more meaningful questions as he used before. It is the moment where the questions will be the guide of a man’s life. Before it used to be the answers, now is the questions. The denial of this stage, of the lack of acknowledging of living by the questions, is what is causing the men’s crisis since men have always been in love with their ego. It is a very hard task to ask a man to let go of something that gave them so much power, control, and success. It formed their personalities and helped them to become successful in life.
Felipe Oliveira provides counselling for men to live an Authentic Life™.
To read about The Process of Life Transition among Men, click here.
To read about Men's Grief Work, click here.
Keen, S. (1991). Fire in the Belly: On being a man. A Bantam Trade Paperwork.
The Authentic Male Journey is a counselling framework that honours the sacred darkness and mystery of life. It offers counselling for men to hold the space where the man “enter into the deeper relationship with himself, become an authority in the nuances of his own experience, and define manhood for himself” (Keen, 1991, p.130). It is the stage where his imagination will be explored as once it was when he was just a pure and innocent boy - future brave man. In this way, a man will go from a place of lostness, a place of crisis to an authentically living process, using the darkness as an ally to his life’s benefit.
Felipe Oliveira provides counselling for you who want to be authentic. Click here to know more about his work . Or, please, continue reading about the art of being lost comfortably.
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